2011. december 21., szerda

I feel it.. sorry



Every day is wonder why...? Why is this happening to me?


I feel so lost...








and I don't know what to do about it. no one knows, sees or understands it.... but I feel it. 
I don't know who I am and what I want.








Sometimes I'm happy...



...sometimes I'm hyper


but mostly I'm sad



depressed,


 suicidal..
I do what you want me to do, 
                                            I act the way you do, 
                                                                           I dress like you want me to, 
                                                                                                                    I like whatever you like. 

'cause I don't even know what I really want or like.


What the fuck am I?
My identity is gone.



So please don't leave me, as you see I cannot live without you. Without you I am nothing, lost and empty inside. 'casue of the problems whit my disease, no one wonts to be my friend. 

I am so lonely.


"Everyone I know goes away in the end." 
'Casue sometimes I adore you, but five seconds later I con disgust you. 


Why are you perfect and why am I not? 


It makes me desperate. I stuck on myself and I feel caged. There is nothing left for me in this selfish world. 

Time to go. 
               Time to say goodbye. 
                                               Farewell I'm sorry. 

This is where I'm coming from.
 And this is where I'm going to.

I tired many things to kill myself. None worked. I am still here. Even more I tried to get better but nothing really helps.And so times so goes by. Everyday I feel more helpless, useless and wasted. And so feel everyone around me about me. There's nothing left for me.

I cry all day. I cut every day. Deeper.. deeper..

I don't want to see anyone. I don't trust them people. They all leave me behind. To forget about the inner pain I used to take drugs and alcohol.


Cutting myself too, I'm a big wound now. But that only got it worse. Now I'm an addict as well. Locked in my pain that is burning inside of me. All I can do is waiting for help and holding on. 







One day I'll be fine. I will be better


Please don't leave me...


bbpony

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